“I won’t make the same mistake again doc, trust me”. I had heard this client say this over and over again. What was making him do the same things and get hurt repeatedly? I wondered what should be my response to him. In the past, I had tried compassion, encouragement, cajoling, pleading, analysing… nothing seemed to touch him. I worried he was not going to stop this self sabotage. I felt defeated!
I let myself experience the moment. I’ve felt this feeling before countless times, I’ve made the same mistakes again and again, broken my heart countless times, hurt myself and others. I heard the voice in my head say “ It’s ok, you are trying, you are working on yourself and you are wiser today than you were yesterday and tomorrow you will be wiser than today”. I had said this out loud.
A genuine connection with the client, a moment of truth. A moment of silence and then a rush of emotions. I let him cry, sob and tell me how he had been trying every single day and felt like a failure for not being able to change. “We are in this together”. I meant it, as much for him as for myself. Aren’t we all trying to become wiser everyday? In countless different ways.
Dr Janaki is an adult psychiatrist and psychotherapist practising in India and Australia.