“I will ask Shilpa for permission, till then I will wait.” A client told me this was how they put off harming themselves until the next session when they would meet me. It left me a bit stunned in the moment and I was unable to process that right then with them. Later, as I sat with myself, I checked within to gauge what I was feeling – felt surprised, humbled, curious and perhaps a wee bit burdened. Their statement told me a few things, that we did have a good therapeutic alliance, that deep down they did not want to hurt themselves and was looking for some kind of an external anchor that they could hold on to, to keep themselves for acting on that momentary urge. That they possibly experienced me as an anchoring presence was comforting, but I was also aware of a fear, fear of what if they had indeed done it? How would they feel having given in after months of abstaining? What did that say about me?
Later on in the session, I joked and said, “Well you are not getting any permission from me.” They laughed as well. It was another moment of connection. They went on to share regarding something else that they were fearful that God would punish them and blame them instead of the offending party. Then they asked themselves – Do I know one person who is not like that, and they thought of me. And then they reasoned that If I a human doesn’t treat them like that, then God who is infinite times just, and compassionate than me, surely wouldn’t unjustly judge her so.
The Boy, the Fox and the Mole – by Charlie Mackesy
Again I was stunned. What a privilege we as therapists have in the lives of our clients – in this case, playing a small role in shaping this client’s worldview of self and their relationship with their God? And how significant the therapeutic relationship is! I have read about it of course, but moments like these drive home the point in ways dry research and theory don’t.
It is said that therapy is hard work – indeed it is, but moments as described above is a gift of therapy that I receive from my clients.